One down, countless to go

Well, its all over. Yesterday was my last day at work. I was so busy all week I didn't have a chance to really let it sink in. On Thursday, I worked at our East Portland office and I had a very odd moment standing in the elevator alone holding my box full of random desk supplies.
Yesterday my 3 co-workers took me to lunch at New Seasons. We chatted, talked about my upcoming trip and they presented me with a nice card and a bottle of sunscreen (yes, I get it already). Then it was back to the office where I signed some papers and they took my badge. After a couple hugs and cleaning out the last of my desk, I was gone. I didn't even cry! I got a bit teary walking to my car, but was proud of myself for holding it together.
Then I got home.
And Mark hugged me. And it was all over. I think I was in the fetal position on the living room floor for about 20 minutes. Tears of sadness, of fear, of relief. But mostly tears because I am now dependent on Mark for my survival. I don't have a job and that is a really scary feeling. I never wanted to be dependent on anyone and giving up so much for him is a really scary leap.
But, I'm leaving in 36 hours for my great European Adventure! I still don't think it's hit me that I'm going to be in Europe with my best friend. I'm very excited!
I feel like this is the first of many big changes and I'm nervous and anxious and excited and scared to see what the next 4 months hold for me. But I'm glad I have a wonderful, supportive sugar daddy fiancé to stand beside me.