Being back in CO is pretty weird. I feel like I never left. I haven't thought about Portland at all, except maybe when someone asks. I wonder if that's a bad sign... Either way I'm excited and so happy to be home but it sort of makes me wonder about life and where it's taking me. I would be lying if I said I wasn't lonely in Portland sometimes. I miss just being able to go out on a Friday night and see 10 people I know. Or to drive somewhere and still know where I am. Or go home and just see my family whenever I want to. Most of my friends in Portland have significant others. Funny how that makes you incredibly aware of your relationship status. I don't even think I can convince myself I truly want a boyfriend, but sometimes it would be nice.
I know this Colorado bliss won't last. I know in a month or so I'd realize that most of my best friends have left, that those people I see out on Friday nights aren't really people I want to see, and I would feel like a quitter if I left Portland now. I guess this is just the phase where I'm doubting my direction. Where I'm right up to the ledge and there's really no turning around. I just need to close my eyes and jump and hope I land on my own two feet.
I read a quote the other day:
"If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking"
I guess I just have to keep walking.
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